But God

I don't necessarily want to put myself on any sort of time table where this is concerned, but I do want to make sure that I am writing regularly... I will get better about that.

I feel like there is so much that needs to be said and yet I stay silent. I have this urgency this need this desire to write but feel stunted. I've never encountered this feeling before. I know what I should be doing and I even have the desire to do it, but somehow I simply can't get started. What is this?

Pushing in and pushing through is the only option at this point. You don't just wake up one day with new habits, you have to remind yourself to make them. You don't just wake up every morning as a Believer, you have to remind yourself daily, sometimes hourly that you have been called to greatness. And if you've been called to greatness then why do you fight so hard for mediocrity? It's like God has made you a feast, He set the table and placed upon it all of the foods that you love, enough to fill you 100 times over, yet you sit on the floor eating the crumbs. He looks at you with all the Love in the world (and then some), and cries.

You have been made in the image of the King. You were hand crafted by the maker of Heaven and Earth. He personally molded you, and He sits watching you. Subscribed to your blog, a follower your Twitter, a fan of your Facebook, hanging on every word that you say, even though He knows them in advance. God is enthralled with your beauty. Think about that.

I know how easy it is to get so caught up in life that you forget to spend time with God. Before you know it a day has gone by since you've prayed, then a week, a month. But He is not upset with you. He's not going to yell at your for your absence. On the contrary, He is waiting with outstretched arms to hold you again. You see, His love is not the love that you have with people. You know, the kind of love that is conditional. The one where if you don't call the person for a day they hate you. Or if you don't respond to a text right away they demand and explanation. The love that ends when you do something dissatisfying. No, God's love is unconditional. He loves you regardless where you are, regardless what you've done, regardless how long it's been since you've last talked.

Whatever it is that you're struggling with, know that He is there in that struggle. He has a plan for it. He knows what you're going through. He sees you. You pain, your tears, your blood, they have not have not been in vain. All things work together for the good for those who love Him and have been called according to his purpose. I know it's hard to see it right now, but know that God sees beyond right now.  He sees the person you are going to bless with this testimony. He sees the turmoil that was avoided by this momentary heartache. He sees the blessing around the corner.

It's easier to say these things than it is to believe them. I know. I've been there. I remember crying out one night as I was watching the blood drip from self inflicted wounds. I remember being so hurt in that moment, so lost, so alone. But I also remember that day a few years later where I was able to testify to someone with reddened scabs on their wrists... BUT GOD.

Still smiling,
Me